Useful – sometimes – List of the day

9 Jan

bytejunkie

by Mike

Well, I really didn’t want to ruin the German image with my first blog post, but I also didn’t want to write something technical or heavy but something funny and lightweight. So I came to the list of things you can do to drive others mad.

mad

 

In German offices, everyone knows this list. It ran through the office mails several times and I was amazed that I couldn’t find an English translation. So I decided to translate it and present it to you. Hope you like it! 😉

How to drive others mad

drivemad

  1. Always leave the photocopier set to “shrink 200%” and “99 copies”.
  2. Sit in your garden and use a hair dryer to point onto passing cars to check if they reduce their velocity.
  3. Put decaffeinated coffee into the coffee machine for three weeks. After everyone has lost his caffeine addiction fill in espresso “extra strong”.
  4. If you are using a glass eye, hit it with your pen while you are talking to someone.
  5. Always use the reference “for sexual services” for your wire transfers.
  6. Mount a mosquito net around your desk.
  7. Join in singing in the opera.
  8. Insist to always turn on the wipers while you are driving to increase the performance.
  9. Comment everything someone says with “That is what YOU think!”.
  10. Practice the imitation of modem sounds at your desk.
  11. Mark irrelevant material in science articles and send them to your boss.
  12. Finish all your sentences with “in accordance with the prophecy”.
  13. End conversations by putting your hands on your ears.
  14. Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the cartridge through the office.
  15. Shout random numbers if someone is counting.
  16. Put your trash bin onto your desk and label it “inbox”.
  17. Adjust the office television colors that everything is green and explain that you like it like this.
  18. Always use staplers in the middle of a sheet.
  19. Explore in public how slowly you can imitate a cawing sound.
  20. Honk and wave to strangers on the street.
  21. Encourage your colleagues to join you into a session of synchronized chair dancing.
  22. Refuse to be lead to a table when you enter a restaurant and only eat the sweets at the checkout.
  23. ONLY WRITE IN CAPITALS. 
  24. only write in small letters.
  25. ChAnGe UpPeR aNd LoWeR cAsE.
  26. Never use punctuation.
  27. If you are asked to do something always ask if he wants French fries to it.
  28. By orange cones and put them in front of your house.
  29. While you are having a conversation repeat “Do you hear this?” “ah nevermind I think it is already away.” A couple of times.
  30. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
  31. Hop instead of walking.
  32. Insist that you are using Xena_goddess_of_fire@yourcompany.com or Elvis_the_king@yourcompany.com.
  33. Send mails to everyone in your company to explain what you are doing at the moment. For example “I’m on the toilet if someone needs me”.
  34. Try to play the overture of Wilhelm Tell (the lone ranger theme) on your chin. When you are ready say that you ruined it and repeat it.
  35. Ask people what gender they are belonging to.
  36. When you are holding a presentation, twitch your head like a canary bird from time to time.
  37. Say that your order is to take away when you are at McDrive.
  38. Visit a poet lection and ask why the poems do not rhyme.
  39. Ask your colleagues mysterious questions and mumble something about “psychological profiles”.
  40. Tell your friends that you are not in the mood for partying 6 days before the party starts.
  41. If you lend something to a friend call him every day and remind him kindly that he has to pay it if he breaks it.
Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: